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Post by vrabinec on Feb 7, 2014 15:37:04 GMT -5
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Post by Suzy on Feb 7, 2014 15:43:43 GMT -5
 Unbelievable! And it cheered me up. Thank you, Fred. 
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Post by mlhearing on Feb 7, 2014 22:16:28 GMT -5
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Post by Daniel on Feb 8, 2014 12:13:23 GMT -5
I suspected, but never knew for sure. Someone had to play them on "High Voltage," but I thought it might have been a studio musician.
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Post by Becca Mills on Feb 8, 2014 14:49:57 GMT -5
Ha! The last line was the kicker.  |
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Post by vrabinec on Feb 10, 2014 11:00:51 GMT -5
Two Middle East mothers are sitting in a cafe chatting over a plate of tabouli and a pint of goat's milk.
The older of the two pulls a small folder out of her handbag and starts flipping through photos. They start reminiscing.
''This is my oldest son, Mujibar. He would have been 24 years old now.''
''Yes, I remember him as a baby.'' says the other mother cheerfully.
"He's a martyr now though." the mother confides.
"Oh, so sad dear...'' says the other.
''And this is my second son, Khalid. He would have been 21.''
''Oh, I remember him,'' says the other happily, ''he had such curly hair when he was born.''
''He's a martyr too...'' says the mother quietly.
''Oh, gracious me...'' says the other.
''And this is my third son. My baby. My beautiful Ahmed. He would have been 18'', she whispers.
"Yes," says the friend enthusiastically, ''I remember when he first started school...''
''He's a martyr also,'' says the mother, with tears in her eyes.
After a pause and a deep sigh, the second Muslim mother looks wistfully at the photographs and, searching for the right words, says . . .
"They blow up so fast, don't they?"
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Post by vrabinec on Feb 10, 2014 11:02:44 GMT -5
Sal Wallerstein was at the country club for his weekly round of golf. He began his round with an eagle on the first hole and a birdie on the second.
On the third hole he had just scored his first ever hole-in-one when his cell phone rang... It was a doctor notifying him that his wife had just been in a accident and was in critical condition and in ICU.
The man told the doctor to inform his wife where he was and that he'd be there as soon as possible. As he hung up he realized he was leaving what was shaping up to be his best ever round of golf.
He decided to get in a couple of more holes before heading to the hospital. He ended up playing all eighteen, finishing his round shooting a personal best 61, shattering the club record by five strokes and beating his previous best game by more than 10. He was jubilant....
Then he remembered his wife. Feeling guilty he dashed to the hospital. He saw the doctor in the corridor and asked about his wife's condition.
The doctor glared at him and shouted, "You went ahead and finished your round of golf didn't you! I hope you're proud of yourself!"
"While you were out for the past four hours enjoying yourself at the country club your wife has been languishing in the ICU! It's just as well you went ahead and finished that round because it will be more than likely your last! For the rest of her life she will require round the clock care and you will be her care giver! She will need IV's; you will have to change her colostomy bag every 3 hours; she will have to be spoon fed 3 times a day and don't forget the hygiene care."
The man broke down and sobbed.
The doctor chuckled and said, "I'm just fucking with you. She's dead. What'd you shoot?
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Post by Suzy on Feb 10, 2014 11:03:13 GMT -5
Fred! That's truly awful!  (But I laughed)  (I mean the middle east joke) |
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Post by Suzy on Feb 10, 2014 11:08:23 GMT -5
The other one... not so sure... What are you ON today? |
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Post by vrabinec on Feb 10, 2014 11:08:47 GMT -5
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Post by Suzy on Feb 10, 2014 11:10:38 GMT -5
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Post by Becca Mills on Feb 10, 2014 11:38:01 GMT -5
"They blow up so fast, don't they?" <squirm> My sister told me this one ages ago. Walks that fine line between offensive and hilarious petty effectively. |
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Post by Becca Mills on Feb 10, 2014 11:40:28 GMT -5
The doctor chuckled and said, "I'm just fucking with you. She's dead. What'd you shoot? LMAO! Oh god. That's terrible! |
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Post by Suzy on Feb 10, 2014 14:25:45 GMT -5
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Post by Alan Petersen on Feb 10, 2014 19:15:56 GMT -5
That ad actually plays on Australian regular TV? That wouldn't fly over here. I like how the Aussie girl says condom... sounds like Kone-Dome.
Our condom ads are more of Austin Powers rip offs and they only run after primetime...
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Post by Alan Petersen on Feb 10, 2014 19:24:36 GMT -5
This is a funny ad for the nutritional store in my neighborhood. Every I walk to the coffee shop their ad cracks me up.  |
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Post by Daniel on Feb 10, 2014 19:32:26 GMT -5
I like the hooters (owls) near the end of the Aussie commercial.
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Post by mlhearing on Feb 10, 2014 19:55:54 GMT -5
Anybody know anything about horse traders and their lovely reputation?
So, this multimillionaire who has only three friends is about to die. And he wants to take it all with him, so he gives each of his three friends five million dollars and insructs each of them to put the five mil in his coffin at the funeral.
So the funeral rolls around, and the first friend, a doctor, walks up to the open casket. He reaches into this pocket to pull out the money and then stops, saying, "No, I can't. I'm sorry--I just can't. I just opened up a new office and hired a new secretary. No. I'll just have to keep it."
So the second friend, a lawyer, walks up to the casket and reaches into his vest pocket for the five mil. He pulls it almost out, but then puts it back and says, "No, I can't. I just took on two new partners, and money's tight. I just can't do it."
Then the third friend,a horse trader, walks up to the casket. He pulls out his check book and makes out a check for five mil. Then he throws the check into the casket and says,"There, you son of a bitch, I don't owe you nothin'."
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Post by Becca Mills on Feb 10, 2014 22:55:02 GMT -5
That ad actually plays on Australian regular TV? That wouldn't fly over here. I like how the Aussie girl says condom... sounds like Kone-Dome. Our condom ads are more of Austin Powers rip offs and they only run after primetime... Funny. |
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Post by Becca Mills on Feb 10, 2014 22:57:29 GMT -5
Anybody know anything about horse traders and their lovely reputation? So, this multimillionaire who has only three friends is about to die. And he wants to take it all with him, so he gives each of his three friends five million dollars and insructs each of them to put the five mil in his coffin at the funeral. So the funeral rolls around, and the first friend, a doctor, walks up to the open casket. He reaches into this pocket to pull out the money and then stops, saying, "No, I can't. I'm sorry--I just can't. I just opened up a new office and hired a new secretary. No. I'll just have to keep it." So the second friend, a lawyer, walks up to the casket and reaches into his vest pocket for the five mil. He pulls it almost out, but then puts it back and says, "No, I can't. I just took on two new partners, and money's tight. I just can't do it." Then the third friend,a horse trader, walks up to the casket. He pulls out his check book and makes out a check for five mil. Then he throws the check into the casket and says,"There, you son of a bitch, I don't owe you nothin'."  ETA: HE CAN'T CASH THE CHECK! Okay, took me a while, but I got there.  |
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(But I laughed) 
(I mean the middle east joke)
