Remove it?

[Alan Petersen]

I've been racking my brain trying to find a non-cliche way to describe thick fog. Seems like there are so many different ways to describe it, and it seems to have been used to death by writers, that it made me think, maybe I should just skip it? It's not central to the story, it's just foggy, it's San Francisco, it's foggy here in the summer, so who cares, I should take it out. Whatcha think?

[vrabinec]

I love fog. Use it. Find something. There, no easy way out here, man. Maybe we can collectively come up with something in the next few days.

[Daniel]

Maybe reviewing some of the sensory aspects of fog? Cool, moist (or wet), they way you can feel it tingle on your skin when it's really thick, the asthmatic sensation when you take a deep breath of it, the way it turns daytime into twilight, the way it saps the color out of everything, the way it leaves you yearning to see what you know is there (my wife and I call that "end of the world syndrome").

[Alan Petersen]

Well for sure "thick as pea soup" is out.

Here is what I was toying with... my MC is following someone through a foggy SF street, so:

The thick fog seemed to be a mass of impenetrable billows choking the city.

The fog rolled the street; gray and so thick its billows appeared to be impenetrable.

Fog so thick the city looked like it would be crushed under it.

[Deleted]

What about describing his span of vision? When I was walking to school in the Bay Area, I was always trying to figure out exactly how far I could see ahead of me on foggy days. If you're following someone, I would think you'd be more concerned with how the fog impacts the hunt.

[mlhearing]

Ah, this is the kind of thing where a hyphenated modifier can work wonders:

- sight-clogging fog
- syrup-like fog
- tight-clinging fog

And so on. But not, of oourse, as cornball as these examples.

[Suzy]

I always thought being stuck in fog in the mountains on ski trips was like being trapped in a carton of milk. Alan, what you wrote above sounds more like smoke to me. You need that cold, thick floating feeling. Very hard, I know...

[Becca Mills]

Fog like wet cotton balls?

[Suzy]

or the proverbial pea soup?

[Alan Petersen]

I do have a description that they guy he's chasing seems to vanish into the thick fog, but I also want to describe the fog as it sits above the city. It's just so ominous. We're just getting started for fog season so maybe I'll get more inspired. Thanks for suggestions!

[vrabinec]

A fog like the tenth plague of Moses had returned.