Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Apr 28, 2014 12:02:47 GMT -5
|
|
|
|
Post by Pru Freda on Apr 29, 2014 0:28:51 GMT -5
Staff at HMRC (the Brit equivalent of the IRS) were intrigued by the word Impecunious written in a box labelled Nature of Business, on the tax return of a self-employed sex worker. Invited for an interview, said worker explained that Impecunious meant Strapped for Cash.  |
|
|
|
Post by vrabinec on Apr 29, 2014 8:27:48 GMT -5
A woman meets a man in a bar.
They talk; they connect; they end
Up leaving together.
They get back to his place,
And as he shows her around his
Apartment.
She notices that one wall of his
Bedroom is completely filled with soft, sweet,
Cuddly teddy bears.
There are three shelves in the
Bedroom, with hundreds and hundreds of cute,
Cuddly teddy bears carefully placed
In rows, covering the entire wall!
It was obvious that he had taken
Quite some time to lovingly arrange them
And she was immediately touched
By the amount of thought he had
Put into organising the display.
There were small bears all along
The bottom shelf, medium-sized bears covering the
Length of the middle shelf,
And huge, enormous bears running
All the way along the top shelf.
She found it strange for an
Obviously masculine guy
To have such a large collection of
Teddy Bears, She is quite impressed by his sensitive side.
But doesn't mention this to him.
They share a bottle of wine and
Continue talking and, after awhile, she finds herself
Thinking, 'Oh my God! Maybe, this guy could be the one!
Maybe he could be the future
Father of my children?'
She turns to him and kisses him
Lightly on the lips
He responds warmly.
They continue to kiss, the passion builds, lifts her into his arms and carries her into his bedroom
Where they rip off each other's
Clothes and make hot, steamy love.
She is so overwhelmed that she
Responds with more passion,
More creativity, more heat than she
Has ever known.
After an intense, explosive night
Of raw passion with this sensitive guy,
They are lying there together in
The afterglow.
The woman rolls over, gently
Strokes his chest and asks coyly,
'Well, how was it?'
The guy gently smiles at her,
Strokes her cheek,
Looks deeply into her eyes,
And says:
'Help yourself to any prize
From the middle shelf'
|
|
|
|
Post by Becca Mills on Apr 29, 2014 10:49:37 GMT -5
HAHAHAHA! OMG, that's terrible. |
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Apr 29, 2014 11:08:57 GMT -5
Ohhh, that's just wrong on so many levels.
|
|
|
|
Post by Pru Freda on Apr 29, 2014 11:11:27 GMT -5
Yeah, but dammit, it is funny.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Apr 29, 2014 14:13:51 GMT -5
True, true.
|
|
|
|
Post by vrabinec on Apr 30, 2014 16:11:18 GMT -5
George Phillips age 82 of Meridian, Mississippi was going up to bed,
when his wife told him that he'd left the light on in the garden shed,
which she could see from the bedroom window. George opened the back door
to go turn off the light, but saw that there were people in the shed
stealing things.
He phoned the police, who asked 'Is someone in your house?' He said
'No.' Then they said
'All patrols were busy. You should lock your doors and an officer will
be along when one is available.' George said, 'Okay'.
He hung up the phone and counted to 30.
Then he phoned the police again.
'Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people
stealing things from my shed. Well, you don't have to worry about them
now because I just shot them.' and hung up.
Within five minutes, six Police Cars, a SWAT Team, a Helicopter, two
Fire Trucks, a Paramedic, and an Ambulance showed up at the Phillips'
residence, and caught the burglars red-handed.
One of the Policemen said to George, 'I thought you said that you shot
them!'
George said, 'I thought you said there was nobody available!' (True
Story)
|
|
|
|
Post by Becca Mills on Apr 30, 2014 22:40:12 GMT -5
George Phillips age 82 of Meridian, Mississippi was going up to bed, when his wife told him that he'd left the light on in the garden shed, which she could see from the bedroom window. George opened the back door to go turn off the light, but saw that there were people in the shed stealing things. He phoned the police, who asked 'Is someone in your house?' He said 'No.' Then they said 'All patrols were busy. You should lock your doors and an officer will be along when one is available.' George said, 'Okay'. He hung up the phone and counted to 30. Then he phoned the police again. 'Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people stealing things from my shed. Well, you don't have to worry about them now because I just shot them.' and hung up. Within five minutes, six Police Cars, a SWAT Team, a Helicopter, two Fire Trucks, a Paramedic, and an Ambulance showed up at the Phillips' residence, and caught the burglars red-handed. One of the Policemen said to George, 'I thought you said that you shot them!' George said, 'I thought you said there was nobody available!' (True Story) Good thing the cops, firefighters, and paramedics were forced to drop everything they were doing in order to get those thieves out of the guy's shed. Lord knows, you can't rely on first-responders to prioritize properly.  |
|
|
|
Post by Daniel on May 1, 2014 13:39:58 GMT -5
I laughed out loud when the Pub displayed the following ad:  If Angela saw that (given the thread she started on KB about someone stealing her look), she would probably have an aneurism. |
|
|
|
Post by vrabinec on May 1, 2014 13:49:31 GMT -5
I laughed out loud when the Pub displayed the following ad: View AttachmentIf Angela saw that (given the thread she started on KB about someone stealing her look), she would probably have an aneurism. That's...that's...I dunno.  |
|
|
|
Post by Suzy on May 1, 2014 14:52:39 GMT -5
|
|
|
|
Post by Becca Mills on May 1, 2014 16:45:46 GMT -5
I laughed out loud when the Pub displayed the following ad: View AttachmentIf Angela saw that (given the thread she started on KB about someone stealing her look), she would probably have an aneurism. I just PM'd it to her. Kidding. No, actually, I did. Heh. Not really.  |
|
|
|
Post by vrabinec on May 1, 2014 19:19:33 GMT -5
I'm at the age where an "all-nighter" just means I didn't have to get up to pee.
|
|
|
|
Post by Becca Mills on May 2, 2014 0:19:49 GMT -5
Heh. Will have to pass this along to my father-in-law. He's always complaining about that.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on May 2, 2014 6:24:39 GMT -5
^_^ Attachments:
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on May 4, 2014 10:04:00 GMT -5
The saddest day in my life was when I discovered that dragons are nothing more than sort of Daleks operated by kitties.  |
|
|
|
Post by Becca Mills on May 4, 2014 13:04:45 GMT -5
The saddest day in my life was when I discovered that dragons are nothing more than sort of Daleks operated by kitties. I think that cat was having sexytimes with the blanket in there.  |
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on May 4, 2014 13:10:57 GMT -5
The saddest day in my life was when I discovered that dragons are nothing more than sort of Daleks operated by kitties. I think that cat was having sexytimes with the blanket in there. Does seem a little... breathless. |
|
|
|
Post by Becca Mills on May 4, 2014 13:14:03 GMT -5
I think that cat was having sexytimes with the blanket in there. Does seem a little... breathless. And those huge, black, vacant eyes ... |
|
