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Post by Deleted on Apr 21, 2014 15:08:32 GMT -5
Oh, if you want go on about this, I guess it's okay. Don't mind us. Yes, by all means. Far be it from us to try and dictate what topics are explored. After all, we're not admins. Some of us consult a dictionary or something. But what do I know? |
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Post by Deleted on Apr 21, 2014 15:18:39 GMT -5
Yes, by all means. Far be it from us to try and dictate what topics are explored. After all, we're not admins. Some of us consult a dictionary or something. But what do I know? I once ran a messageboard myself, but I'm sure this one is much more involved and complicated. I wouldn't have anything to offer. |
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Post by Suzy on Apr 21, 2014 15:43:03 GMT -5
Some of us consult a dictionary or something. But what do I know? I once ran a messageboard myself, but I'm sure this one is much more involved and complicated. I wouldn't have anything to offer. You did? What was the message? |
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Post by Suzy on Apr 21, 2014 15:45:42 GMT -5
Yes, by all means. Far be it from us to try and dictate what topics are explored. After all, we're not admins. Some of us consult a dictionary or something. But what do I know? A dictionary would be good. If you could read. |
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Post by Suzy on Apr 21, 2014 15:46:03 GMT -5
How am I doing?
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Post by Deleted on Apr 21, 2014 15:48:28 GMT -5
Some of us consult a dictionary or something. But what do I know? A dictionary would be good. If you could read. Nope, that's just overtly insulting. Passive-aggression is more like a stiletto concealed within a velvet glove. |
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Post by Suzy on Apr 21, 2014 15:50:30 GMT -5
A dictionary would be good. If you could read. Nope, that's just overtly insulting. Passive-aggression is more like a stiletto concealed without a velvet glove. I see. This is more complicated than I thought... |
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Post by Deleted on Apr 21, 2014 15:57:22 GMT -5
Passive-agressive is a true Minnesota trait, which drives me nuts. Minnesota nice? Um, no. That should be Minnesota passive-agressive.
Passive-agressive language always makes you look innocent on the surface. Additionally, it should leave the other person questioning if you were beiong sincerely nice or a total bitch. Anything less and you're an amateur. Also, just being bitchy is aggressive, not passive or passive agressive.
Like when your friend, who is self-conscious about her weight, has dessert in front of you and your friends at a restaurant. You say, "I wish I were so totally comfortable with eating whatever I want and not caring what others think. Good for you." Complimentary or criticizing?
"I can always pick you out of a crowd. Not many are daring enough to wear the bright colors you do."
"No,it's fine if you pick the movie again. Really." Heavy sigh.
"I see you're still wearing pink. I wish I could be secure enough to not care what's out of fashion."
"You new boyfriends seems...interesting."
The classic is from the South of the USA: "Well, bless your heart." It usually means Fuck you. Saying bless your heart makes you look much better and kinder.
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Post by vrabinec on Apr 21, 2014 16:11:47 GMT -5
Additionally, it should leave the other person questioning if you were beiong sincerely nice or a total bitch. . See, that's the point I was making, but Wiki doesn't seem to think so. At least, this has always been my understanding of passive-aggressive. |
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Post by Becca Mills on Apr 21, 2014 16:32:55 GMT -5
Like when your friend, who is self-conscious about her weight has dessert in front of you and your friends at a restaurant. You say, "I wish I were so totally comfortable with eating whatever I want and not caring what others think. Good for you." Complimentary or criticizing? "I can always pick you out of a crowd. Not many are daring enough to wear the bright colors you do." "No, it's fine if you pick the movie again. Really." Heavy sigh. "I see you're still wearing pink. I wish I could be secure enough to not care what's out of fashion." "You new boyfriends seems...interesting." The classic is from the South of the USA: "Well, bless your heart." It usually means Fuck you. Saying bless your heart makes you look much better and kinder. Wow. Those are good. Really good. |
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Post by Deleted on Apr 21, 2014 17:53:46 GMT -5
Like when your friend, who is self-conscious about her weight has dessert in front of you and your friends at a restaurant. You say, "I wish I were so totally comfortable with eating whatever I want and not caring what others think. Good for you." Complimentary or criticizing? "I can always pick you out of a crowd. Not many are daring enough to wear the bright colors you do." "No, it's fine if you pick the movie again. Really." Heavy sigh. "I see you're still wearing pink. I wish I could be secure enough to not care what's out of fashion." "You new boyfriends seems...interesting." The classic is from the South of the USA: "Well, bless your heart." It usually means Fuck you. Saying bless your heart makes you look much better and kinder. I'm in MInnesota. Learned from the best. lol. Seriously, it drives me nuts. I would fit better in New York. Say what you mean, mean what you say. Many here in Minnesota find me too blunt. Hey, I'd rather you KNOW when I'm being a bitch. |
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Post by Alan Petersen on Apr 21, 2014 18:37:54 GMT -5
I lived in the passive aggressive capitol of the US: Minnesota for 20 years.  Basically, someone is mad or offended at you, but they won't tell you or admit to it, but then they'll do little things to get back at you without telling you that they're mad/hurt. Even if you confront the passive aggressive, they'll smile, "I'm not mad at all" then when you turn your back daggers fly out of their eyes. Passive aggressive peeps don't like confrontation, but like to get even. Example, instead of confronting someone, they'll leave an unsigned note on the person's car bitching them out. <--- Alan's layman's description. |
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Post by Alan Petersen on Apr 21, 2014 18:40:39 GMT -5
Passive-agressive is a true Minnesota trait, which drives me nuts. Minnesota nice? Um, no. That should be Minnesota passive-agressive. HA! I saw your post, after I posted mine. I also mentioned Minnesota as being passive aggressive haven. |
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Post by Deleted on Apr 21, 2014 20:26:16 GMT -5
Passive-agressive is a true Minnesota trait, which drives me nuts. Minnesota nice? Um, no. That should be Minnesota passive-agressive. HA! I saw your post, after I posted mine. I also mentioned Minnesota as being passive aggressive haven. BINGO!!! |
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Post by Suzy on Apr 23, 2014 3:25:09 GMT -5
What I didn't get about this was that the last time I was accused of being passive-aggressive, I was telling someone to go boil his head and to go... you know, himself.
I know that's aggressive. But what's passive about it?
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Post by Rinelle Grey on Apr 23, 2014 3:36:38 GMT -5
That sounds like plain old aggressive to me too Suzy.  Passive aggressive isn't really being aggressive in a funny way. I wouldn't call sarcasm passive aggressive, though I guess it depends on the person. A passive aggressive person often has no idea that they're being aggressive at all, and really truly believes they're being nice. This description is pretty apt I think: www.counselling-directory.org.uk/counsellor-articles/what-is-passive-aggressive-behaviour |
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Post by Alan Petersen on Apr 23, 2014 11:48:17 GMT -5
What I didn't get about this was that the last time I was accused of being passive-aggressive, I was telling someone to go boil his head and to go... you know, himself. I know that's aggressive. But what's passive about it? If they thought you were being PA during that exchange, I don't think that person understands passive aggressiveness. Even if you told them calmly to go boil their head, that's still not passive aggressive because you're confronting them, and now I'm scared of you. |
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Post by Deleted on Apr 23, 2014 11:53:21 GMT -5
It's really inspiring how you're all continuing to discuss passive-aggression. I wish I didn't worry so much about looking obsessed with trivial matters.
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Post by Suzy on Apr 23, 2014 11:57:29 GMT -5
What I didn't get about this was that the last time I was accused of being passive-aggressive, I was telling someone to go boil his head and to go... you know, himself. I know that's aggressive. But what's passive about it? If they thought you were being PA during that exchange, I don't think that person understands passive aggressiveness. Even if you told them calmly to go boil their head, that's still not passive aggressive because you're confronting them, and now I'm scared of you. Don't worry, Alan. My temper tantrums lasts only a couple of minutes. Then it's over and I'm wondering why the other person is so annoyed. I forget what it was all about but other people can sulk for a long time. |
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Post by Victoria on Apr 23, 2014 13:45:20 GMT -5
My dad is a master of this behaviour. When I was growing up, someone would suggest a day trip or something, and he wouldn't want to do it. But instead of saying so, he would drag his feet for as long as possible: choosing a date, deciding how to get there etc. He'd just delay it and make it so difficult to do that my mum would lose enthusiasm for it. But if anyone confronted him about it, he could just be like "What? I didn't say I wouldn't do it. You're the one who changed your mind!" A mild example, but a behaviour that eventually started to cause screaming rows. (My parents are divorced now.) To me, that's what passive aggression is. It's often really petty stuff, as well, but that's part of how it works: really passive aggressive people are masters of making other people look, act and FEEL crazy. Because no ONE thing they've done will be particularly bad. Like, in Becca's example, the husband can't go "Stop nagging me about the lawn!!!!" because the wife isn't. She's just mentioning it. Passively. This sort of thing would probably make a really interesting character. It makes kind of a sucky person, though. Anyway, that's what passive aggression is, in my view. Snark is probably more direct aggression than anything, although mild and often well-deserved  |
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Basically, someone is mad or offended at you, but they won't tell you or admit to it, but then they'll do little things to get back at you without telling you that they're mad/hurt. Even if you confront the passive aggressive, they'll smile, "I'm not mad at all" then when you turn your back daggers fly out of their eyes. Passive aggressive peeps don't like confrontation, but like to get even. 
